Heart Strings

We are all attached to our parents with millions of strings. These strings are the supply line, the umbilical cord being the first, but many hang on after that one is cut. These supply lines remain to help us along. As independence grows, strings break and the strength of the cord is absorbed by the child helping her grow more and more independent. For instance a newborn is completely reliant upon her mother for everything, even to express when she is happy. But with that first smile, she is now able to express herself, and a string is broken.

These strings are wonderful things holding us together and giving us confidence to grow safely, knowing we'll be caught if we fall. If we venture too far too fast, we know the strings will catch us and bring us near the one who will hold, love, and forgive us, ready to help us try again.

When we are forced to develop faster that we are ready, many strings can break at once. How painful this can be. For as weaning gradually breaks one string at a time, we are meant to break away slowly into all realms of independence. Just as loosing a handful of hair hurts worse than just one, a sudden separation from our parents at the wrong time can be painful for all involved. Children aren't the only ones to hurt when strings are broken.

Occasionally broken strings hurt because part of our relationship is lost or changes. My oldest daughter recently spent a weekend at camp. None of the girls in her Girl Scout troop went with her. She was on her own to make new friends, and prove her independence. I was so proud of her. But I hurt so much to leave my baby with strangers. She is my baby, and I don't want her to grow up yet. I need for her to need me!

Wow those were powerful feelings! She could not look at me as her father, sister and I left her in the cabin with her friends to be. The tears in my eyes would have made her cry and she had to make a strong impression on her bunkmates. Her daddy, although kind to me, could not understand my tears as we walked back to the car. The closer I got to the car, an inner urge became stronger to run back and grab her and bring her safely home with me where she belonged. But she did not need that. And I no longer need her to need me as much.

I must have been holding on to too many strings, because several broke all at once, and it hurt. But all that love energy that was stored in those cords was absorbed by her. She came back so confident, and exhausted. After the fact, I am even more proud of my baby -er -child. She is ready to accomplish her own independence, and I would not want to stop her for the world. But as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Our reunion was immersed in hugs, kisses and just hanging close to each other. I plan to hang on a long as I can.

Thursday the 12th

Realizing that today is Friday the 13th, I had to chuckle. Friday the thirteenth came early for me. It was Thursday the 12th (insert horror music.) Okay, so it wasn't a horrible day, but I did have an odd one.

It all began at 3:00 in the morning. My 2 dd's were sleeping over with their Granny, so it's just hubby and me snoozing. I wake to hear one of the dogs whining. Being that I would rather take him out in the middle of the night than clean up a mess in the morning, I head to the living room. The smell hits me in the hallway. As I turn on the lights and look more closely, there is a very loose bm smeared across the floor because this puppy's crate has no bottom and he can move it around the room. This did have a plus side: He wasn't sitting in his own crap. Half a roll of paper towels, and two trips outside to potty later, we are finally heading back to bed.

An hour later, the alarm goes off. After getting irritatingly few calls at my virtual call center job, I am taking the pups out to have diarrhea once more. Cramming in a breakfast, and rushing out the door to make it to our La Leche League meeting early. I am not leading, but I must get to the church early enough to alert my co-leader who has the key so she can let us in if no one is there. Someone is almost always there, so its not too big an issue for us.

My SUV won't start. Click, click... Call to hubby: "Can you bring me our spare truck that has been on loan there at your office for a week?" After removing a pipe rack from the bed of it he heads over. Call from hubby: "I just ran over a futon, I am checking to make sure there is no damage to the truck." Fortunately there's none. As we arrive back at his office so he can get back to work I get a call from my other co-leader who is leading the meeting. "Are you aware of the situation at the church?" Oh no, I think, the doors are locked and now it is too late for our other leader to bring the key due to her other commitments for today. But its not just the doors, the gate at the entrance to the parking lot is locked! AAAAHHHH!

Arriving 15 minutes late instead of early, I follow the caravan to the nearest public park, and the meeting ensues. From here the day becomes more normal. I enjoy playing with my friends' little ones while they enjoy the meeting. Perhaps the joy I feel from storytelling, fish watching and swing pushing brings me back on track. I do make it back to the pavilion in time to meet some of the new moms, and taste the delicious snack provided by our snack coordinator.

Refreshed, I'm off to gather my children from the loving arms of their Granny and head home to find no poo in the floor (insert happy dance). My darling sister comes to visit. I get to help her with her resume. I expect she will have a job soon with such an impressive work experience.

Oh, then there is the issue of Cloe and the boy with a crush at VBS. Oh, my goodness that is a whole post in itself. I suppose this one must be continued...

Friends in Their Time

Friends fade in and out of our lives. Those we know in one part of our lives seem to fall away in another season of life. During my working years, I loved my co-workers. They listened, laughed, scolded, shared recipes, vented their frustrations, and made days at the office more pleasant. Some of them even joined us on the weekends for the wilder times. I still love them.

Ironically they are the ones who welcomed me into my new life as a mother. They surprised me with a bountiful baby shower that made me feel so loved. Yet although they were welcoming me to motherhood, looking back I see it more as a farewell party. Now that I am a stay at home mom, the relationships are almost gone. I rarely see my old co-workers. They shared in my journey to adulthood, marriage, parenthood, and yet they are no longer a part of my life. I miss them, but I am so glad they were with me in their time.

I also had friends who showed up every weekend to celebrate the joys of youth and the fact that no boss could lord over us every day. We had the house band (neighbors who practiced in the garage) and we lived in the middle of our small town so that everyone knew where to go for the party. Those people were so much fun... I hope they have all grown up safely. Of course, when hubby and I had been married a couple of years, we began to party less. The leader of the band moved out of the downstairs apartment. Life settled down and none of those "friends" even call us anymore. It is no longer their time.

Then there are others who befriend us because of circumstances. Ladies I once led a breastfeeding group with have long since moved away, or found other endeavors. We once relished in one another's company; watching our young toddlers play and laugh together as we chatted with (hooray!) other adults. But that time was fleeting. We needed each other, and it was a great blessing to have those friendships in their time. I miss those ladies. Maybe I'll make a phone call or send an email just to say hey.

But there are the time tested friendships that have the deepest roots of history, promises, secrets, love, devotion. All that stuff acts like glue; holding us together no matter what part of our lives we're in. We have truly been through it all together. We know that even if it's months between the times we talk, our conversations will never feel awkward. No matter what choices we've made, how old our kids are, where we live, or our current need in life, we can always count on each other. It is to those friends that I must say, "It is always our time, thank you. I just can't wait until we get to talk again."

God answers prayer

Yes, Our Heavenly Father always hears our prayers. He sometimes answers them with a yes. The more we align our lives with His will, the more yes answers we'll get. That is a worthy goal for us flesh tethered folk here on Earth. But, often enough our desires are in His will.

It seems that God answers my prayers in a most obvious way when I reach a point of hopelessness. He can see that I am unable to accomplish a thing on my own, but He knows I must see that. When I reach that place where I am humble enough to let Him have the entire problem, willing to accept whatever He feels I need, that is when He allows me to see how He answers my prayer.

Recently I have been slothful in my duties as mother, teacher, homemaker, family accountant, and all the other jobs I have. It really all hinges on my waking early enough to get some things done before beginning our school day. It is just as much about bad habits, and that feeling of lostness I often get in the afternoon that causes me to miss opportunities to do important tasks.

Of course, I pray about these problems all the time, wondering what do I need to do. Finally I admitted to my God that I don't know what to do, and I give up trying. I asked Him to make me get up early and do my jobs. Then I backpedalled; saying He didn't need to make me (I was imagining Him allowing some terrible think to happen that would require me to do everything and more!) but I admitted failure, and the absolute need for Him.

One or two days later, He confronts me. He uses my husband to point out my faults. Andy is very tactful, and I accept the constructive criticism with some hurt feelings, but unable to deny that he's right. I acknowledge his feelings in the matter, and let him know that he has every right to feel that way. He tells me that if I could be fired for not doing these jobs, I would work harder at them. He was right on. He told me the same things I have been telling myself for months. Why did it have to come from his mouth? Why couldn't I take it to heart from my own chastising thought. Maybe my husband is more loving about my faults than I am. I am certainly my worst critic, and can make myself feel very bad about my mistakes. Andy can recognise them without making me feel so hopeless.

I had to let Andy know that God had used him to answer my prayers. God knew that my love for, and desire to please my husband was a source of powerful motivation for me. He knew how to meet my needs when I could not.

In Isaiah 55:8 & 9 the Lord tells us, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," He also says "For {as} the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts."

Of course, if His ways and thoughts can be compared to a universe with outermost parts we cannot even see with our most powerful telescopes. And our ways are compared with the small spec of dust we live on. No wonder He is able to clearly see how to meet our needs. We need only to be willing to accept whatever He chooses for us. Why is it so hard to trust the Creator of the Universe who died for our freedom? It must be this flesh that keeps us bound to the Earth and sin. Freedom is Christ if we let Him be.

Keeping the kids room clean: Part 2

It's not happening! I have removed all but 4 stuffed animals and the outside toys (balls, jump ropes, etc.). Their room is still a mess! They refuse to put away dirty laundry, or put books back in the office. They keep their bed unmade, and ignore me when I speak. (Okay, that last one goes beyond a clean room, but I feel better having stated it.) The problem is bad habits. Charlotte Mason educators are very familiar with the idea of habits. My previous post about Character Training has my answer. I must commit to do my part in growing good family and individual habits in our house.

Speaking from experience, and a love for the Fly Lady, I can say that creating lasting good habits is vital to a happy life. God created us so that we could run on autopilot. When properly programmed we are getting the necessary things done without thinking about them. But when we run on autopilot with poor programming, that is where the problems begin. Old habits die hard. It is so much easier to start with a good habit than it is to have to change a bad one. But in order to give my children a strong habitual foundation, I must have good habits myself! The changes have to start with me.

Okay, I am going to pray harder, and submit more. I know I cannot do this myself. I need divine guidance. As for keeping the room clean: hopefully the girls and I can create habits that will make that a reality. Until then, the toys will stay held up in the attic to be earned back one at a time.

Cloe quote

Today's assignment was to write sentences with prepositional phrases. We then diagrammed the prepositional phrases to better see the parts of speech. For Cloe and me this was quite fun. One sentence she came up with impressed me much:

"Life among a thousand dead is joyful because he will see the streets of gold."

Her explanation of the sentence was deep for such a young one. She explained that those who are saved are like life, but those who are lost are already dead.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Psalm 23:4

Fishing under the I-75 bridge in Atlanta

The water was very murky because of recent rains. It was lots clearer this past Sunday, but I have no pictures of that. It is a whole different world in the river, below the interstate compared with the high-rises that line the highway when you're driving. We fish upstream of the poo plant, but I am still glad that I have a layer of neoprene between me and the water!

The birds that fly by are awesome to watch and listen to. Huge and beautiful water birds (some have pelican like beaks), geese, ducks,and even some little tweetys swoop, swim and fly right near by as if I weren't there. It's fun to try and identify the trillium and herbs on the trail. Heck, I love going! And to top it all off, I am with the love of my life. It really doesn't get much better.

I did catch a litte sunfish, but I never got a trout in hand. I had two that self-released before I could get my hands on them. Better luck next time.